Chapter 2

Author Notes

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Lovestrong

Chapter 2.  Give me a moment to catch my breath

I had been sitting in my car in Charlie’s driveway for ten minutes or so, thinking ‘So what if I just sit here forever- then maybe no one will see me…Ever!’

What was it that Kate told me… just sit back and breath! Great advice Kate; thanks. Okay, so Kate is my best friend back in Bellevue, and her actually words were to “Sit back, breathe, and then get yourself back to Forks so you can kick the living shit outta him.”

Oh, how simple my little world was a couple of days ago:

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Kate, Leah and I sat drinking cocktails in my tiny patio garden. As well as Kate being my sister from another mister, she is also my roommate. Now, Leah is whole other story. As much as I love Leah, both Kate and I thank God that she doesn’t live with us! She was a force to be reckoned with; if you upset Leah, you knew about it. I met Leah about two years ago; she was an old friend of Kate’s. We joke that she is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, nice and soft on the outside, deadly on the inside. Mess with Leah-or someone she loves-and the inner she-wolf claws its way out and she was scary.

All three of us had been shopping for new outfits for our monthly girl’s night out in Seattle, which was a must. Living in Bellevue is amazing; situated on the eastern shoreline of Lake Washington, we loved the easy-going pace of this beautiful city, but a girl needs the buzz of the big city and bright lights in her life every so often, right? We do it once a month at least, and we do it right-hotel room, music turned up loud, champagne on ice and we get our dance on.  Seattle night clubs go on high alert when we are in town, I kid you not. Leah’s on again/off again boy toy works at The Last Supper Club in downtown Seattle, and he makes sure their bar is well stocked, because when I say we drink, we drink.  All for different reasons, none of them particularly healthy: Kate drinks to relieve the stresses of her week, Leah drinks to get laid (It’s that straight forward for her- one night stands are all she desires) and then me, little old Bella drinks to forget the past, to forget the heartache.

Just to forget him.

As I said we had been winding down for the day when I got the call from Charlie, which to be honest was pretty usual. We talked at least once or twice a week, and spoke of normal things-how was work, have you been eating healthy; we have a normal father, daughter conversation. Normal until today, that is. He had to go and say it.

 “Come home Bella, I need to see you.”

Well crap, I never expected that.

See, me and Charlie have an understanding: he NEVER asks me to come home. He knows what happened, why I had to leave. I have always wondered what he would say if I told him that I cry each day. Of course we have seen each other in the last five years, he IS my Dad. But he comes to Bellevue or we meet in Seattle, and under no circumstances do I go back to Forks. It took me nearly a year to be able to even say his name, hell, it has taken me five years to even be able to think about stepping foot back in Forks again.

After that, the conversation turned desperate on Charlie’s end, I just didn’t understand why he needed me home so badly. He couldn’t even give me a proper answer, he just kept repeating.

“I just need you to come home.”

A million and one reasons for Charlie’s desperation went through my mind: was he ill; was he in trouble, what could be that bad?  What he couldn’t tell me on the phone?

I had to go back to Forks to see what was so important; the sneaky old man knew that I would put all of my insecurities aside, just for him; he was my dad. I probably should have done this a long time ago, but I just couldn’t put myself in harm’s way, I wasn’t strong enough.

I must have been in the middle of a full blown panic attack when Kate grabbed both my arms and nearly shook the life out of me.

“Bella look at me, calm the hell down, it will be fine! Just go back to Forks, see what the old man wants, then get your ass home!”

She was right- I could do this.

“He probably doesn’t even live there anymore, Bella, I bet he followed you out of town.” Again Kate was the voice of reason, as usual.

Oh, how I wish her last sentence was true, but not that he just followed me out of town, but he came to Bellevue to tell me it was all a mistake.

Kate was looking at me like I was going to pass out, and Leah, well Leah looked a mixture of concern and what I can only describe as outrage. They both grabbed an arm and ushered me to the sofa, where all three of us spoke together.

”God, I need a drink!”

The next two days were borderline panic for me; I still couldn’t believe I was doing this. Why on Earth would anyone in their right mind put themselves though this?

Right, I was doing it because of my dad, because in the last five years I had picked up the pieces of my sorry excuse of a life and I was stronger, more confident, more… Fuck, who was I kidding? If I see him again my whole being will crumble, this very carefully constructed mask will drop, and I will be the same old, self-loathing, miserable Bella everyone in Forks was used to seeing.

Kate knows what I was like when I first left Forks-she was there helping me to keep it together-but even she believes the lie.

While looking at what she believes is the new, normal, happy Bella, she explains to me her thoughts on the whole ‘Bella returns to Forks’ mess. Kate’s well-thought out plan was this: as soon as I got back to Forks, I would drive straight to the Cullen’s home and show him what he was missing, tell him how badly he had hurt me, and then show him what I had become.

THAT wasn’t going to happen, but I could prove to everyone in my small, out-of-date hometown, that Bella Swan was somebody. She had grown up and learned to stand on her own two feet; because I had, in theory anyway.

I lived a beautiful little town house with my bestie Kate- we even had our own little English country garden in our back yard! I had my dream job-I considered it perfect for me. I was a part-time baker in the only Cupcake/Winebar in all of Washington State. It was Kate’s baby.

When we meet in college in Seattle, both of us were clueless about what we wanted to do with our lives or how to achieve it. Kate had always been gifted with the ability to socialize and generally be fabulous. By mistake on one rainy afternoon, I found my gift was in baking. I love to bake cupcakes, muffins, cookies and biscuits, and we both LOVED cocktails, so that’s how Caketail was born. The ‘bar’ is in downtown Bellevue, and we serve cupcakes and cocktails. Okay, so they are non-alcoholic cocktails because we are in Bellevue, and a bar where you can get wasted and eat cake is just not up to ‘Bellevue’ standards.

My long term plan was always to be a fully fledge member of staff at Caketail, but with everyone and their dog asking if I have a boyfriend or a family or all about my past, it can get a bit too much, and I just can’t handle being in public all the time. Outside I am a confident businesswoman-it’s all part of my ‘mask.’ Inside, I just want to be loved, but not just by anyone.

By him.

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Anyway, here I am contemplating the advice my best friend gave me. What the hell do I do? I either drive round to the Cullen’s and going all Kung Fu Panda on his ass, or run at full speed out of my car and into Charlie’s house, where I will hide for the next three days, or until Charlie tells me why the fuck Iam here. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Shaking my head clear of my day dreaming, I step out of my car. This place just smells like I remember it: all damp, all woodsy, all Forks. All Edward.

Charlie must of heard my car approaching the house, as he is standing on the front step watching me; oh shit, how long had he been there? I hope to myself that it wasn’t long enough to see my hissy fit, but going by the worried look he has on his face, he was there long enough to have witnessed my mini breakdown.

As I approached he stood, getting ready to usher me into the house, or so I thought. Wrong! He pulls me into a massive bear hug, not caring who can see that his wayward daughter has returned. There MUST be something wrong…Charlie never acts like this!

We must stand like that for a good five minutes- if I didn’t know better I would say Charlie was stalling. As he releases me from his death-like grip I grab his hand.

 “God, I have missed you Char..Dad.”

 He gave me the smallest of smiles and replied, “Me too Kiddo, me too.”

Now I know Charlie is a man of few words, but what is he trying to do to me, can he not see that his twenty-five year old daughter is scared to death? Give me a break, okay Dad?

Charlie opens the front door and gently leads me inside. I look down at our joined hands… Why is he been holding on to me so tight? As if this could be the last time he ever sees me?  Again my mind wanders, is he sick? No, that can’t be it; he would have told me, wouldn’t he? 

Is it possible to plead for forgiveness with just a look? When I looked into my father's eyes, I saw his attempt to do just that. These were the eyes of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

My curiosity and fear were now battling each other in their fight for dominance, with my morbid curiosity currently taking the lead. Finally, I had enough and I was just about to confront him, when the doorbell chimed behind us.

“Saved by the bell old man!” I thought as Charlie's nervous laughter bounced around the house.

The front door was slowly pushed open.

Oh wait-shitshitshitshit! I thought to myself as I felt my legs turn to jelly. I tried so hard to keep myself upright, but my ears started ringing; nonononono!

I heard someone mutter, “You didn’t waste any time, now did you?” I think it’s possibly Charlie speaking.

My version blurs, all outside noise sounds the same; the birds’ calls even blur with the rumble of the traffic outside into a loud buzz, and then I felt my mask slip. The world turned black. As I crumpled to the floor, I heard a voice that I had never expected to hear again…  

“Bella.”

Then all was silent.

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