Chapter 5

Authors Notes:

I can't believe how well my little old ramblings are going down…..THANK YOU all for reading, reviewing and rec'ing!

I need to once again need to thank Jill and Charlotte – You Rock and I love you girls millions… Also Thank you to Arch Morpheus, she has made me three beautiful story banners and brought my Bella and Edward to life.

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Lovestrong

Chapter 5. You Scream, I Scream

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I must have fallen asleep. I don't remember doing so, but I must have literally passed out. Trying to open my eyes is difficult, since they are welded shut with old tears. I can just imagine what I look like. Lying here barely moving, I act like I am still asleep, because she is here. I called for help, and of course she answered; because that's what we do, but I am still not ready to face her or the morning…

"Bella, I know you're awake, you need to get your ass up before Leah arrives; she's out for blood."

Shit.

As I roll over to face Kate, my whole body is achy; again I try to pry open my eyes, but it is torture; I must have cried for hours yesterday. Peering through blurry, swollen, half-opened eyes, I see Kate sitting in my old rocking chair in the corner of the room. Kate isn't one to tiptoe around me or my problems, but the look she is giving me now is pitiful. Rolling over on to my back I stretch my limbs, trying to get rid of the stiffness I feel. I yawn, obviously still exhausted by last night's revelations. Come on Bella, let's get this over, I think to myself; knowing Kate is dying to find out what happened.

I have to get up; she is waiting, impatiently, for me to explain. As I stand the blanket that has covered me drops to the floor; she tries to be discreet, but I notice anyway. She does a quick check of my arms; looking for fresh wounds, are we, Kate?

"Not gonna find what you're looking for, babe," I say as I raise my arms out in front of me.

Bella, you know I worried about this trip, and when you called, all kinds of horrible thoughts went through my mind. I am guessing from the way your Dad acted when I turned up this morning, he has something to do with it?"

Wanting to delay the inevitable, I turn the questions back on her: "Is he down stairs still?"

"No, he left about an hour ago, said something about it probably being best if he makes himself scarce for the day. He said he would be back to see you later… Come on B, what the hell happened? You look like shit!"

Taking a deep breath in, I prepare myself to repeat everything that happened yesterday, but it still doesn't seem real. Deep in thought or maybe I'm in denial about the situation; I need to get this over. "Let me go to the bathroom; then, I will explain everything." I tell Kate.

Standing in front of the mirror this morning is a sobering experience; I look like hell. My eyes are red and swollen from tears, no wonder I can't open them properly. Bending over the sink, I splash cold water over my face - it is soothing; it numbs the sting. With my eyes still closed, I try to grab the towel that should be on the rack behind me, but instead I am handed it. Startled, I look up; I see Kate looking at me with the same look of pity I saw early. I can't help it; the tears begin to well up, I take a deep breath to try to stop them from spilling over. Jesus, I thought I was all cried out… Kate knows me all too well; she pulls me into a huge hug, telling me its going to be okay and that she's here now and the tears fall.

Grabbing me by the hand she leads me back into my old room "Come on B…let's talk."

Both of us sit on my old tiny bed, still hand in hand, just like me and Alice did on the couch last night. This time, however, the girl sitting in front of me is here to rescue me from, not deliver me to evil. Both Kate and Leah are always there when I need them, so I have no problem telling either of them what has happened.

If I just could wrap my head around it first.

"This might not make much sense to you, because it sure as hell makes none to me," I tell Kate, preparing her for what I am about to tell her.

"Well, you know I came here because I thought Charlie needed me… well, I had been here for less than ten minutes, and Alice Fucking Cullen turned up at the front door. I couldn't believe it, it literally floored me. She begged me to listen. I was so stunned, but then I got mad as hell. I finally let her speak, and she filled in the blanks for me. Charlie knew she was coming…Kate, he was a big part of all of this. Oh God… he was the reason Edward let me go five years ago."

Kate sat there... shocked. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

"I showed her, what he did to me: I showed her my arms and you know I don't do that easily, but I had to tell her…show her, what had happened to me. I told her about you and Leah, about our home and then she…she told me about him, how he needed my help and that he was in a better place now. Shit, Kate…Edward is a recovering drug addict!"

"What the…this was all about drugs, all along? I can't believe he fucking destroyed you because of his bad choices in life…that fucker! But you said…Charlie; what is his part in all this?" Kate asked shock still clear in her voice.

"He caught Edward in a compromised position, suspected that he was using, and basically told Edward if he left me and never approached me again he would drop all charges. So Edward did just that, he picked his addiction over me. Fuck! I don't think it has all sunk in yet, to be honest."

Seeing my tears about to fall, Kate kicked into mothering mode; she ran to the bathroom, returning with a warm washrag for my eyes, and a cool glass of water. They helped enough that I could keep the tears from coming, and I felt I could carry on.

"I just can't believe it, Kate; my own Dad knew about it for all this time and didn't tell me! So after having all this shit dumped on me, I kicked Alice out, and me and Charlie had a few words. I told him I couldn't stay here and was leaving right then, but he said that he needed me to stay and listen to his side of the story-it was pretty much the same as Alice's version, only Charlie told me how everyone found out about Edward's drug addiction."

I was gasping by this point, so I drank some more water. Kate, Bless her heart, was just waiting patiently. Is there any wonder why she is my best friend?

"Apparently, two years after I left, Charlie found him in his car, overdosing and close to death. God…Kate, he almost died! Charlie said he was filthy and skinny and sick…when he did CPR, he saw that Edward had my name tattooed over his heart. Fuck. Charlie has had a guilty conscience for the last five years, over Edward getting so bad, over me leaving, but mostly breaking us apart. He chose not to tell me because he was afraid…afraid he would lose me. Did he not see he lost me five years ago?"

I had to compose myself; I could feel myself getting upset and angry again. I put the now-cool rag across my burning eyes, and felt my friend shift next to me on the bed.

"I tell you what B…let's get some breakfast, enough with the heavy for now. Plus, I haven't seen you in like, two days. Let's get you cleaned up and we will relax for a while."

I was just about to agree with Kate, when we heard a car, which was playing the loudest music you have ever heard, racing down the street. Both me and Kate look at each other, our thoughts more than likely mirroring one another's…

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Watch out Forks; Leah has arrived.

We made our way downstairs, to find Leah had just about made herself at home, sitting atop of the kitchen table, eating cereal straight out of the box.

"Holy shit, Bella…what the hell happened to you? You look like crap!"

I can't help it; all I can do is laugh, but it's not a normal chuckle, it's a hysterical kind of cackle. I don't know, maybe it's the built up stress I have inside me but I just can't stop laughing, and now both my best friends are staring at me like I have gone batshit crazy.

"Nice to see you too, Leah," I manage to get out in-between my fits of laughter. Kate is stood next to me; she rolls her eyes, and shoves me in the direction of the stairs.

Over a greasy breakfast, and with Kate's help, I fill Leah in on my clusterfuck of a life over the past day, but again Leah just makes us laugh, throwing in a few highly inappropriate jokes just for good measure. Leah's role as a friend is to lighten the mood, to make us laugh; she doesn't take anything too seriously. She is amazing - I am sure her brain runs on a different frequency from the rest of the human race, her ability to change the feeling in a room astounds me. She is in front of me, listening to me tell her my sob story: that the love of my life left me because my Dad told him to, and his biggest regret wasn't that he got addicted to drugs or that he nearly killed himself, but it was that he regretted leaving me.

When suddenly she spits out her coffee, and all but yells, "OH MY GOD… I forgot to tell you two, with all her drama it totally slipped my mind…guess what, my sorry-ass ride broke down on the way here. That shit heap of a car finally packed in, it just died on me. Yeah, and Bella why didn't you tell me Forks had its own supply of fine ass eye candy? I SO would have been here sooner!"

"Umm, Leah, sorry but what the fuck are you talking about?" Kate voiced loudly, exactly what I was thinking.

"I just told you; the shitmobile died right there on the side of the road, and I was just about to call a tow truck when my own knight in dirty overalls pulls up and fixes it. I can't remember what he said his name was, but God, who the hell cares…WHAT AN ASS HE HAD! Anyway I didn't want to know his life story…but he helped me get the car started. Bitches, he was a fucking hottie, with a capital H! I have to hunt him down and…and…I want to lick him! My God…he was talking and I just watched him... Anyway I didn't hear half of what he saying; I was too busy looking, but I did hear him ask where I was going, so I mentioned that I was a friend of Bella Swan's, and he got this funny-ass look on his face. What's up with that, B?"

"Strange look, great ass, and you can't remember his name…doesn't leave me much to go on," I said, rolling my eyes at Leah's one-track mind.

"Nope, but I am sure his last was a color… or something odd like that!" Leah replied.

Bingo…Oh my, Leah has just met Jake…this could get interesting.

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It's so good to have my girls here, as they help take my mind off the whole Edward situation. I still haven't decide what to do, about Charlie I mean, I can't just leave without talking to him, not like this; he already thinks he has lost me and truthfully, I can't just turn my back on my Dad, however bad our problems are. BUT I will let him stew for a while; he deserves to suffer for what he has done to me.

Edward, however, is a whole different matter. I can't face him; I don't even want to think about him right now, never mind see him. Yes, now I know that he had his reasons for breaking my heart, but regardless of that, he still destroyed me and I just can't forget, let alone forgive.

After our heavy heart to heart, and Leah telling us she is in love with her 'mystery' mechanic, we have decided a movie day is in order, and what movie day would be complete without ice cream and junk food. So they have decided that we need to head out and get supplies. I have been thrown back in the bathroom to get ready to, now how did Leah put it… 'Hit the town'. When I told the girls that Forks had one small grocery store, I don't think they believed me. Boy, are they in for a surprise!

I can hear them; they are getting fed up of waiting and I have only been in here for twenty minutes; they need to give me some time, for God's sake! I look like death warmed over! I am dressed in grey skinny jeans and my old…and I mean old faded blue hoodie. My hair is pulled back into a messy pony tail, and don't even mention make up. I don't wear loads of it anyway, but I need some concealer to cover the massive bags that have formed under my puffy eyes, It looks like I even have some color in my paler than usual cheeks.

"Come on Bella…hurry the hell up, we are only going to the store!" Kate yells down the hall.

"Yeah come on B…I need ice cream, booze, and Cheetos!" So it's Leah's turn to shout at me.

"Fuck off you giant pains in my ass…I am just about finished, give me a second!" I scream back, trying to shut them up.

As I open the door, Kate and Leah are outside the bathroom door waiting for me, I tumble out saying "Right, I am done, now let's go!" They are both staring at me like I have just killed their pet goldfish, and I know what is causing it - it's the hoodie. Both girls are always telling me to ditch the baggie clothes but I can't; I need the protection they provided. If people were to see my arms, all sorts of questions, or even worse; stares, would be thrown at me.

We all jump in Kate's black Audi, and I direct her to the only store in Forks. The memories of this place are overwhelming. I can tell Leah and Kate are trying their best to keep my mind occupied, so I also try to keep my mind off the fact that the Bella Swan is in back in Forks, and that I am soon to be out in public. Everyone in this shitty, gossip-driven little town knows what happen to him before I did. It feels like everyone is looking at the car, everyone is looking at me, but I know that besides Charlie and Alice, no one knows I am here…yet.

We pull in to the store, and Kate and Leah are about to jump out, when they both stop and look at me. Still sat staring out of the window; I am frozen in my seat.

"Bella, come on we will run in, get the junk food, and get back to Charlie's," Kate tries to reassure me.

"Come on, babe; let's get this show on the road. Once these fuckers see you, the sooner they will get their bullshit over with." Leah's advice is less than helpful.

With a deep breath, taking in as much oxygen as I can, I step out of the car, and it immediately feels like there is a giant neon arrow above my head, screaming 'Bella Swan is here!' I can feel my chest tighten and the edges of my vision blacken, I am pretty sure that I can't do this.

But then, I feel my girls on either side of me; Kate loops her arm through mine, and I instantly feel the weight lift; my girls are with me, and I am going to be okay, dammit.

We approach the automatic doors and I can hear the whispers behind me already; old Mrs Cope has noticed that the runaway Swan child has returned. Fuck her, fuck them all! I think to myself, as I try to ignore all the murmurs following me. This time, my crazy friend comes through for me:

"They don't know the real Bella Swan, sweetie; hold your head high, you fucking rock!" God, I love Leah.

I should have guessed picking the ice cream would be a massive task; we can never choose the same flavour. It's always the same; we just can't agree. After what feels like an hour, I have had enough of being here.

"Kate, I am going to get some hot chocolate, meet me in the next isle when you two decide between mint chocolate and double chocolate-chocolate chip." Kate makes a grunting noise as she and Leah continues to bicker over which ice cream is best for curing heartbreak.

"This should be worth staying around for," I hear someone say as I walk into the next aisle to get the hot chocolate mix. It seems, though, that sometime in the last five years, the aisle layout has changed. I am now stood in the pet supply aisle.

That is when my eyes fall on a tall, slender man with copper-colored hair…

NONONO, this isn't happening, oh God Bella… BREATHE…

His back is to me, or it was until he heard my strangled gasp.

As he turns around, the basket I am holding crashes to the floor. His beautiful, deep green eyes go from the tipped-over basket that I was holding... to my eyes, and he is slowly taking in every inch of me. I can't help but return his stare.

He is still beautiful. He must have cut his hair, it's shorter than it used to be; it suits him. He is a lot thinner than I remember too, but his muscles are defined under his tight black t-shirt. I can't help but greedily take him in; this is the man who was my whole world for so long, and he is now standing right in front of me. His dark jeans hang low on his hips; on his feet are his trademark black Chucks…in his hand is a grubby Mariners baseball cap. I have never seen him in a cap before, that's new.

He is still…my inner thoughts are cut off by… him.

Breathe…

"Bella," he whispers, still staring at me. I realize that my face is wet with tears.

As he starts to walk towards me, Kate and Leah rush up behind me. They both stay back a little, as they try to figure out who is the man standing opposite to me. You could hear a pin drop, the tension is electric.

"Bella…God, please," he whispers again, as he takes another step towards me. I stupidly, and for some random reason notice what he has in his hand; a yellow package and a small can of something.

I automatically take as step back, bringing myself in line with Kate and Leah, who have probably by now, figured it out; they both grab an arm, guessing that I could hit the deck at any second. Probably guessing correctly ladies, is my only thought as he takes one step closer to me, his empty hand shakily reaching for me.

This time I react differently, wildly shaking my head at him and raising my hands in warning; he stops dead in his tracks.

"Edward…NO!" I barely breathe out. "Stop… Stay away…"

His lightly tanned face goes pale, and it is his turn to drop what he is holding. The small can rolls to a stop, next to the Cheetos, limes, and Blue Moons that we had picked out, what now seems like hours ago. I feel like I am in a horror movie, one from which I cannot escape.

I do the only thing I can think of... Shaking out of my friend's grasp, I turn and walk away.

I don't run, I don't make a scene…I do what he did five years ago…

With no other thought than saving myself, I walk away.

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